My mother was the most painful chapter of my life. 

     My life before the street was too painful, making the street a welcoming place.

     Two weeks later, after my father's death, one of my older brothers comes home with something new.

     The doctor had made contact with him at work.

     A substance had been found in my father's blood, which led to a heart attack, and death. 

    And it seemed that the person who was accompanying him in the ICU waited until death was consummated before calling the doctors and not being able to help him.

    He said that he had asked the doctor by whom the medications his father had received at the hospital were given, and that he had been told that the intravenous ones by the nurses and the pills were given to the companion, along with an indication of the times to be given. 

    My brother, said to have told the doctor, that the mother could have put them together with hers to sleep, and confused to give the father. 

     Only from what the doctor had told me he wasn't convinced by his explanation. 

     Two months later I was watching television, and I laugh at a situation that happened on it, and my mother criticizes me. 

     How a person who says he loves his father can laugh at something two months after his death.

     Mom, Dad died, but the joke was funny and I'm still alive. 

     I can't stop with my life. 

     I have to go on living. 

     You didn't love your father, she said, if you didn't, you wouldn't find any more fun after his death.

     Mother credo! 

     I still love my dad, but I can't bury myself with him.    

     I did what I could for him while he was alive, now I'm still here, he's gone. 

     She then called me a fake:

     As every manipulative and narcissistic person does to manipulate those around them so that their victim feels guilty, for things they are not to blame.

     You don't love anyone, not even yourself. 

     Look in the mirror, you're fat and hideous. 

     At your age I took care of myself, took care of my body, loved me. 

     Do you think that any man will want you in life, with that huge body and that licked face, you're horrible and you don't know how to love. 

     I left the room crying, after all I was eighteen years old and I was sensitive because it wasn't that long since my father's death.  

     The lady seems to be fine, she has already started to attack me, a sign that she no longer misses Dad.

     Miss that muggle girl? Please! 

     His father was a boring, tiresome irritant and very straight forward. 

     He was the sickening kind of man.

     Wow, it doesn't even look like you've been married for twenty-two years to him, Mom!

     When, we married your father and I:

     Miss know... 

     My parents were in misery, my father with cancer on a bed, sweating blood. 

     And I had gone to the city they were born to service. 

     His father, was German, and I, knowing that he had a position of leadership, and coming from a German family, he was probably rich, I took the muggle. 

     Then I asked: 

     Didn't you love Daddy?

     Love!

     Give up being crazy, girl, love doesn't exist!

     I always thought I loved him. 

     Me! Don't be ridiculous. 

     His father was a source of income, who wouldn't let me in financial trouble, that's all.

    That was a face of my mother that until then I didn't know.

    I told her at the time that if I got married it would be for love, or I would be alone. 

     She let out a laugh and snapped back. 

     You will marry whoever I want, little girl.

     I didn't answer, but I thought, we'll see!

     I gave a smile and walked away from the mother. 

     Which was pure gall.

     In the weeks to come, life would have unpleasant surprises in store for me that I would never have guessed.

     She would wait for me to go to sleep, when I would fall asleep, would sneak into my room, put her hands on my neck, and squeeze until I woke up, scared. 

     I, always kept calm on these occasions, would open my eyes, calmly remove her hands from my neck and start talking to her, asking her what's going on. 

     The excuse was always the same your brother left he hasn't arrived yet I'm worried, I want you to get up and keep me company.

      And he didn't arrive, because he is peacefully sleeping on the other side of town with his companion. 

        So each day I woke up earlier and I, who had to go to work in the morning to help with the household expenses, went to work dying of sleep. 

     The school year ends, my younger brother has to re-enroll in high school.

      The school is private and my mother tells me that from the following year onwards the responsibility for studying her brother is mine, as she has other, more urgent expenses. 

     So I start cooperating with all my salary in the house, keeping nothing for myself anymore. 

     My younger brother is very stuck up, he loves, expensive clothes, studying in public school is out of the question, it's all nine hours for life.

     I was very accommodating, ended up taking responsibility for him. 

     And I was left without the means to take care of myself. 

    The years go by and the brother that I help to study is developing physically and graduating in studies more and more and then he begins to humiliate me.

     Because I buy cheap clothes and I don't go to salons to do mine or hair to save him so he can graduate, and Mom makes fun of it and helps him step on me. 

     Taking care of myself are the basics for him to be able to study. 

     My brother calls me ugly, fat, stupid, and he goes so far as to say: 

     Because you don't die, I'm ashamed to have a sister like you.

     I cried a lot, with the offenses coming from the brothers and the mother, when I wasn't in front of the building waiting for the older brother, with my mother, I cried myself to sleep with the offenses suffered during the day coming from everyone. 

     My brother then takes the entrance exam and goes to a paid university and again I'm the one who will have to pay for it, but I won't be of any value to him, despite that. 

     But what I earned, at the time I couldn't afford it all, I had to get an extra job. 

     I found a document typing company that worked the night shift.

     So he worked day in one job and night in the other.  

     I only slept on the bus between them, I practically didn't go home during the week. 

     The weekends that would be for me to sleep, the mother demanded that I get up and do the housework and the food. 

     She was tired, but her brother needs to study.  

     He studies his first year and decides to get married. 

     He's not working, he'll drop out of college, but he'll need money to support his family for the first year, because he can't get a job right away. 

     I was forced by my mother to continue my night job to support the now-married brother so that he would not be supported by his wife.

     Many years later I found out that my mother gave him money and he set up a company in his area and the following year he bought an imported red four-door car, zero, at sight and I was working non-stop, not knowing that he he had his own company and it was doing very well thanks.

     In addition to all this, on a Saturday that I would have a few hours of rest, the mother decides to make a dinner for her cousin ten years older than her, and at this dinner, all that was left was to put me on the table and tell the cousin to eat. 

     I had to cook and clean the house and attend to visiting and be humiliated with my mother offering me to an old man. 

     When dinner was served and my mother began to offer me to her cousin as if I were any other object.

     I looked into the man's eyes and said:,

     Momstop it, he's an old man, and I don't like old people.

     What your cousin says:

     Neither am I children. 

     When dinner was over and the cousin left, my mother, finding herself frustrated that her plan had not worked out, called me crazy, stupid, incapable, dung, and even a slut. 

     I replied at the time, if I were a slut I would find it natural to have a relationship with an old man like that for money. 

     Please, Mom, look for another way to make money that I'm not selling. 

     She replied: 

     Get real you fool he's rich, he can take me all over the world, I can travel wherever I want if you marry him.

     And besides, you could stay married for a few years, split up and have good money after the breakup. 

     But you ruined everything by being an idiot.  

     She starts mocking, shaking her head and repeating, I'm not for sale, I'm Tonga, unable to choose anything good.

     And then shoot, just let you know that I'm selling you little girl. 

     And, you'll do as I say, or I'll kill you.

     That kills nothing, you're my mother, I answer and walk away. 

     Oh mom, don't be silly, I say and leave laughing.

     Come here little girl she screams, you don't know what I'm capable of!

     I walk back into the room laughing, put my hand on my hip, and say, I'm scared to death of the bandit, oh. 

    Life, this avalanche of great farces and truths, invites you to dance, little girl.

     And you will dance. 

     And according to the song I play, she screams.

     Wow, she's philosophizing today. I said laughing.

     And I'm incredulous that she was capable of anything against me for being my mother, I say laughing, 

     Then the bandit says, I say it and I go to my room, without giving her any credit. 

     But the mother's goal was really to sell me.

     But as I didn't give in to her intentions, she began to massacre me. 

     This sparked a war against me for the family, which the only one to lose was me.

     For my mother from that day forward, used all kinds of tricks to destroy my life, to get what I wanted.

    From then on I only suffered at the hands of her and her friends and relatives until her death.

     She went so far as to propose that I become an elite prostitute. 

     Telling me that she and her cousins ​​(who always visit her) were part of something called the Rosa Cruz, a female Freemasonry.

     Where women work for a mafia, which prostitutes them and helps them to separate and rip everything from their husband, after the separation, when he is not foolish enough to sign the papers as desired, they do not deprive themselves of killing men with who marry to keep their possessions.

     She also told me that they used a type of hypnosis, which is done with the person sleeping, to make the person sign documents they don't want, do things they don't want and accept what they consciously wouldn't accept. 

     At that moment I thought that all that bullshit, was just a creation of your wicked mind, to force me to marry for money.

     Upon hearing my refusal and seeing that I didn't take her seriously, she promised to destroy my life completely, and I laughed. 

     I continued my life, from home to work, until out of the blue the two companies decided to fire me out of the blue, all of a sudden, without further explanation, on the same day.

     When I got home and told me that I was fired, my mother smiled and said, see how much power we have.

     Agree now to do what I asked of you, and be one of us.

     An elite whore? 

     No mommy, I'm out.

     I'm not a black widow, nor am I a spider!

     Now you're going to find out what it's like to suffer then, little girl, guan.

     As if I didn't already know, I thought.

     A few days go by, I get home after another day of looking for work, tired, and I pick up the phone to call one of the companies and I hear my mother say to her cousin, we have to admit my daughter in a madhouse, urgently, she has to give in. 

     Don't worry, says the cousin, I'll get the fake exams with the admission request, she'll give in, if she goes.

     I, who had overheard the conversation, put the phone down slowly so that my mother and cousin wouldn't realize I was on the extension and I'm aware of the plan. 

     Not knowing what to do, so I let the boat run. 

     When my mom gets off the phone, I call a company that took the résumé and they ask me to start the next day.

     I, aware of my mother's plans, don't tell her anything the day I got a job. 

     The next morning I get up early, get dressed, and leave saying that I'm going to look for a job.

     But I'm going to work. 

     At the exit I look for a vacancy in a republic and with me. 

     I tell my mother that I intend to live abroad, with my bags already packed and some clothes already taken to the new house in backpacks, which I take with me every morning, with the excuse of going out to look for a job.

     And how will you pay if you are unemployed. 

     I got a job, and as it's a night job, I have to stay closer to the company, so I don't take risks.

     But I come to visit you always.  

     She then pretends to agree and asks for the new job phone for me in case she needs to be able to call me. 

     I do the stupid thing to give.

     And hell begins. 

     She calls me several times a day at work asking if I'm there, claiming to be my mother. 

     The bosses are already full of so many calls.

     One day the boss saw that I had already asked her a thousand times not to call my service so much so that I wouldn't lose my job.

     Tell my mother that I'm out there running my purse and I can't answer it, so don't call anymore.     

     She sends my older brother to the company and wants to because she wants to enter the company's typing sector, calling the place a den. 

     Not content with not being able to enter, they send the police, on the spot, who go and see that it's just a document typing company, but there's the banking sector, where I work, which does check postmarking and it's not open to the public.

     The police, call my brother and mother crazy, and leave the company laughing. 

     And tell them to stop disturbing the company and me, so they don't get arrested.

     A few days later my brother shows up where I'm living and asks me to come home, because the mother needs me a 

     lot. Being very loving, I end up giving in.

     It was the worst mistake I ever did.

     The mother manages to get me out of my job again and the proposals and threats start again.

     One day, I arrive in the living room, when the mother's cousins ​​are together, and the atmosphere is not good between them and they exchange barbs.

     They don't notice my presence.

     There, accusations come from all sides.

     Who will make me discover who your uncles, your mother and your cousins ​​are.

     Since I wasn't noticed, I go back to the hallway and listen to what they say.

     The door to my room is open, I stay close, if I hear or see any movement towards the hallway, I go in and close the door. 

     My mother's cousins ​​and her in the living room. 

    One has five children and four women, the other has four children, two men and two women and one is single. Two of them are sisters, and the other is a cousin of the three, daughter of another uncle of my mother.

     The mother of five children is saying that the other cousin has to help her, hospitalize her second daughter anyway, otherwise the plan to marry her to the rich man will not go ahead and they will run out of money, for their frivolities. 

     She who at the beginning of the conversation flatly refused to do such a thing with the young woman. 

     She gave in to the threat, to her cousin to tell everyone that her brother, who was an aviator, had the plane ready to explode in the air and he died. 

     With a little help from the relatives who wanted to get rid of him because he knew too much about everyone's life there, as girls, and because he was ready to hand her over to the police. 

     She also reminds the other that the death of my mother's brother, who was murdered, was also related to what the police brother had found out about the family and wanted to put his mouth on the world. 

     And that said about it, not just my mother, but everyone there. 

     Everyone knew that my mother's older brother had married his sister cousin, because my mother's father was broke, so his brother “stole his cousin, to force the marriage and she would support him. 

     Says my mother.

     The six girls were always providential to him because with female daughters, he could pressure his wife's family to pay their gambling debts, so that their daughters would not be prostituted by their father, in exchange for gambling debts.

     We also know that my older sister, says my mother, got married as soon as she came out of boarding school, with an arranged marriage, with a man seventeen years older and that along with my dad and my brothers, except for the youngest (who knew nothing about) killed her husband to take her parents' land.

     For her and her children to get rid of her old husband, who she never loved. 

     That his younger brother was a narcotics user and dealer at the time, in addition to drinking heavily. 

     And that the brother below my mother has always been a pimp and will always be cocky, with illicit deals, and these will always serve as a front for everyone. We all know that the single cousin went to the United States to live off prostitution and that her sister got married for money.

     Who was never a saint. 

     So we all have each other's ass in here. 

     So cousin, don't come here now and act like a saint and feel sorry for the little cousin, we won't fall for that. 

     What is the real reason for not wanting to help our mutual cousin? 

     The reason is that the girl is not crazy. 

     This fact is not enough for you not to commit someone to the asylum. 

     My mother, she answers, for me. 

     No, I will soon be hospitalizing my daughter if she continues to refuse to play our game.

     Simple as that little cousin, my mother said coldly, at last.

     My God, don't you have pity on your own daughters?

     Of course not!

     Answer my mother and her cousin sister.

     LOL. 

     We feel sorry for us without money, for what we want.

     I now knew the plan of all, only if trying to tell the material in question will be ridiculed, for the mother to handle in such a way that the other never believe me

     I know now the coldness of all at what level reached and I didn't change my behavior, nor my character to please my mother and her cousins, so I knew that sooner or later I would find myself locked up in a madhouse, it was enough to interest my mother at the moment.

     I have always been very Christian, and I always go to the Catholic church, where I was taught by my father to go, since I was a girl. 

     My faith always holds me back in times of difficulty. 

     And I attribute this to coincidences that make me be at the right time, at the right time, in the right place. 

     One day my mother proposes to me to marry again for money, and my mother receives a resounding no from me.

     I'm not good for that.

     My mother then tells me you have no sense of ridicule.

     My brother enters the living room and turns on the TV, my mother starts to say:

     You believe in old wives' tales, that love exists for the poor, that there is nowhere to drop dead. 

     Get real girl, who will love someone like you. 

     Maybe no one mommy, but I'm not getting married for money.

     You don't have a sense of spanking, do you, Morena?

     Says my younger brother, you're going to need to develop that sense, he says, and leaves the room watching television while she speaks.

     When my brother leaves, he looks at me making a face of disgust and contempt. 

     Living is always a risk, my brother, I think to myself, but I don't say, because it's not worth it. 

     I just look at it and smile. 

     I say, softly, you don't have it either. 

     What, are you mumbling over there?

     Nothing, my brother, nothing.

     The days go by... 

     And when I realize one night, exactly at midnight, my younger brother knocks on my bedroom door, when I open it, there are two huge men dressed in white asking me to accompany them, I know what will happen, but I do what they say, I'm hospitalized for three months. 

     I just go in and out, not intending to change anything in my life. Seeing that the plan didn't work out, my mother admits me twice more, and nothing succeeds.

     The last time when I was released by the doctor, where I was placed with the invention, that I was a drug user, and the doctors didn't find by the reactions, by my attitude, conversations and the blood test, remains of any narcotic drug, I am released by the doctor. 

     Without the presence of the mother or any relatives to walk home on their own, where I simply won't show up again. 

     When I left the clinic, I did a conscience exam, reviewing my entire past, and I walk straight ahead and without direction. 

     I knew at that moment that I would not come home.

     I moved on and on in my thoughts. 

     Memories of my mother and brothers came up saying. 

     Money doesn't bring happiness, it buys.

     Love doesn't exist... 

     Tears would flow several times from my face in all the memories of my birth until then. 

     But it was the last time I cried over them in my life. 

     For from that moment on, my life would take a turn of one hundred and eighty degrees that made me strong, determined and put my good character to the test. 

     This proof I won with praise. 

     It was after my father's death that I discovered my mother's true face. 

     Very protected by my father, while I was alive, by my mother, I didn't know her very well. 

     He thought she was an ordinary mother, like everyone else, and that her teasing and aggressiveness were mothering. 

     I gradually discovered that it wasn't.   

     I suffered a lot in her hands, until I accepted within myself that there was no love on her part in relation to me, that I was left in her and everyone's life, and that I would only have peace and be happy if I definitively cut off relations with they. 

     For me this was too painful.

     After all, making it happen that my mother didn't love me was very destructive, but her commands, excesses and all her traps and tricks, were even more destructive.

     She destroyed my life completely.

     It started by severing all my ties with friends, then with my family, and finally with all the people I've loved in my life, and I tried to relate to myself as a woman.

     Leaving me with no friends, no love, no job, no family, and even my right to come and go, out of sheer greed.

     So at that moment I symbolically buried her in my heart and went on with my life, smiling and crying, falling and getting up.

     And fate took me to the street, and the street brought back my self-love, the will to live, reasons to be happy.

     After suffering so much, I found shelter in my hometown and started again.