Between these four walls painted in azure blue, sitting on a rough wooden floor and soaked by the permanent lack of cleanliness, despite the existence of a tanned leather armchair, one of those that the cool ones display in their large living rooms, very uncomfortable. It was bought in a used store weeks ago, poor thing.

I don't care, I don't care. I only think about taking my own life, but I am so cowardly that I don't even have the courage to perform such a feat. I turned off the black plastic nozzle lamp, typical of those who are unable to hang a good chandelier on the ceiling.

Or even a decent lining to avoid the dirt caused by the dust falling from the clay tiles. These drugs live full of spider webs, spread like a plague throughout the environment. It is a real disgust. In this dark room of just eight square meters, it is difficult to define whether it is day or night outside.

I hear only the sound of the songs played in the corner bars and a rich symphony of crickets. Everything looks the same in here, it's like there is no difference between light and dark.The fan, quite battered by the time being used without any maintenance, grinds its gears as if it were a contraption. It is in urgent need of repairs, but how to make them without money to pay someone who understands the service? In addition to my intense unwillingness to work.

At least the environment is still cold enough to avoid the heat on rainy days, in summer it is that hell. TV on any channel continues to chatter and never tires of talking about so many misfortunes that happen in various parts of the country and the world.

 In reality, I don't give a damn about the news. They only tell us about the corruption of our authorities and the impunity that keeps each of them out of jail. They cover them with benefits and, at the same time, deny justice to good citizens. Who really deserve to be given such rights?

The worker or these leeches from hell? I am languishing, battered by the terrible insomnia that has prevented me from sleeping since the afternoon when my heart was shattered by the unforgivable betrayal of a bitch. A madwoman, who chose to exchange my sincere love for the passing passion with someone futile and adventurous. I feel tired and languishing little by little.

I can even contemplate my lifeless body, thrown in a cheap coffin. Being watched over by drunk and addicted to playing checkers during the long wake of those who go from this to the worse. My diet is limited between pasta and some soft drinks. Everything bought in large quantities so that you don't have to go to the store next door and see the same faces that pretend not to notice my presence.

However, they keep commenting on my strange way of being. I don't like neighbors, they are all boring, gossipy, I prefer to ignore them. That's why they hate me so much. I live surrounded by thieves, addicts, drug dealers and a huge number of prostitutes at all ages. There are no laws here condemning sex with minors or any other form of perversion.

I took up residence in a poor neighborhood in the city, where the authorities don't even think about visiting or finding solutions to change the future of these people. Here, this idea of ​​progress is inadequate with reality and completely unknown.

 And is there a future in that hell? Some who know the reason for my pain say that I went mad after so many betrayals. There were three abandonments at the altar, due to the stupid insistence of wanting someone to love me. Because I want to be a father, form a family. I was born in the interior State of Maranhão, I grew up on the banks of the streams.

Fishing for freshwater fish and harvesting fruit from trees scattered around the forest. Son of a man without feelings and a woman empty of culture. In short: I had a childhood originated in ignorance. I created in my mind the dream of growing up and finding love for life. Love your children intensely, exercise my attributes as a father and a totally faithful husband. This was to supply what I did not see happening between my parents in my home, if it really existed.

However, the more I tried to carry out this project, the more impossible it became to carry it out. I failed several times and played the shameful role of an idiot in front of the guests on their wedding day. I became a joke among friends and acquaintances. I don't even feel like leaving this square anymore so I don't have to face my sad reality. In order not to have to hear the mockery of the mocking lips that await me lurking outside.

They will always criticize me, disdain of my constant failures in love, of how I was exposed in front of everyone by those infidels, they deserve to pay for everything they put me through. My sadness, pain and anguish suffered unjustly. But how could a slack like me, who is not capable of killing an insect, have the courage to hurt another person?

Cowards like me do not take any revenge, that is the truth. They only isolate themselves from the rest of the world and are locked in a dark corner waiting for time or chance to resolve all the pending issues that resulted from their weaknesses. So, I will stay here waiting for an invisible power, something that by some miracle gives them all the punishment that they may deserve. Meanwhile, I continue with my revolts and frustrations.

I remain inert here, enjoying my bitterness. Afraid to sleep my eyes and have to face the repeated nightmares that usually visit me every night. I am still hurt by the hurts that came from the times I was betrayed, hurt in my pride, trampled on by the feet of those who would not even deserve to be loved.

I feel suffocated in this totally closed place, after having sealed the door and window, whose keys I threw somewhere in this mess in which I find myself. Stepping on dirty clothes scattered on top of each other and a few grumpy pairs of shoes that constantly give off an odor in the environment that, without proper ventilation, suffocates me.

 I intend to remain confined here for a long time, prisoner of my desires and hostage to the revolt that burns in my chest. I hear everything from here, but I don't see anything out there, nor do I know for sure what's going on. If anyone lives or dies at the hands of the terrible criminals, I don't care.

But there are a lot of bandits here, they seem to undermine like lice from the muddy alleys of this God-cursed neighborhood. I only hear the screams in the morning. Poverty and misery go hand in hand here, cursing the underprivileged. Never before have I seen so many people begging for bread or exchanging their miserable lives for some crack, marijuana or cocaine.

So many young people and teenagers chained by addiction. Mules through which trafficking remains active. Sad thing to see, but how to avoid with so much need? Hunger burns inside and with such unemployment the way is to improvise. Stay on the corners and pass the shuttlecock or cigarette to the users for a certain amount and in the end receive your share. Even if it is death.

Some change to pay for expenses or pay off arrears is already useful. Jail? Nothing! Here is the law of silence, neguinho not to see or listen. So it is not complicated. I have rarely been around since I arrived. But I soon learned that flies don't come in with my mouth shut. Many loose tongues have died for not restraining and talking too much.

Thankfully, I lost interest in freedom a long time ago and chose to stay in that drug in a very quiet place. I stay away from everything and everyone, like a snail in its shell or a tortoise in its shell. Giving a damn about what happens outside. Screw the others and their problems! Screw everything! Do they reach out to me and try to help me overcome this drug of revolt that makes me this living dead, this unhappy and hopeless being?

Of course not, I am like a shadow to them that goes unnoticed. I am seen by everyone as a dry leaf fallen on the way. A cloud overhead that, being blown by the wind, flies where it wants, without a certain direction or definite destination. The day dies and the night is born, with it comes the damn longing for Rosângela, that ungrateful one. We met in the first year of high school. beautiful, with that longing pair of hips and a floor full of charm.

That made the males crazy to be able to touch her. Her plump, aroused breasts made me want to lie on them. All the time. There were many suitors, but it was just the sucker here who she chose to make a fool of. But when I was chosen I was thrilled with joy, I felt great! Fool, how could such a beautiful woman be interested in a dull fret like me?

The whole class took my hat off to me, The Winner Scored Ten. But nothing, everything was just a dirty game. The naughty approached me just to make the little guy jealous for whom she was really interested. It was Edu, the only true friend I had until today, who discovered all the naughtiness of the bitch. He warned me.

But when you are in love you lose your reason and like a helpless animal is taken to the slaughterhouse. So I was also led by her to the most crucial moment in this story, I did not give credit to the friend's advice. I covered my ears so as not to listen to the alerts that came from him with the intention of showing me the size of the mistake he was making.

And as a result, I ended up deeply hurt, thrown to the side of the road of despondency. Where the blind in love walk. She was my first big crush and the biggest disappointment of all. It was two long years of dating and engagement. I worked tirelessly to organize our lives. I dreamed of a life for two until the end of our lives, I thought about it all the time. I bought a beautiful apartment, new furniture and the best quality, everything just as the costume says, just to please you.

Our tours were very expensive, the gifts were very salty, the whole beast didn't like cheap things. And the innocent here playing all the whims, giving him everything he demanded without complaining. It was not just out of love or passion that he felt, but out of fear of losing it.

I subjected myself to the most infamous point of a man in love just to avoid a goodbye, coming from that soulless and to no avail — Son of a mare that I was! — On the day we were going to exchange the rings again, Edu appeared, insisting that I give up on the decision. He appealed for him to change his mind and cancel the ceremony in order to avoid the worst.

I was revolted by the unnecessary schism of the disturbing friend and expelled him from my presence. After all, it was the happiest day of my life. It was essential that nothing or nobody tried to stop my happiness. As tradition dictates, I was the first to arrive at the altar. The ceremony would be held in the large garden of the mansion of the bride's parents.

 An important doctor in the city. Now you can understand the fact that she is such a beast, right? Yes, Rosângela was the only child of a traditional upper middle class family.  That is why I tried so hard to be worthy of acceptance by my father-in-law full of money. At that time I was an important executive at your company, the employee of the year. I would be getting married that Sunday morning, in the month of flowers with the boss's daughter.

Totally mistaken with the reality that was hidden from me I lived a dream. Only Edu, my friend, besides herself knew what was waiting for me. But at that moment, nothing else mattered to me, it was my wedding day with the most beautiful woman in the world. And I believed that she loved me. Love it? Of course not. As it happened dozens of times, I avoided hearing the friend's instructions.

And that has had serious consequences for me. The first happened on the same day, when just in time to say YES my fiancee decided to abandon me at the altar. He ran away with Malone, the son of a wealthy and important businessman in the city. This has always been the great mystery. Rosângela and her lover used me all the time as an iron forehead to lay hands on their father's inheritance, with their father still alive.

The plan would be to fulfill the main requirement of the will, which was to be married. My biggest idiocy was marrying the naughty girl in civil two weeks before and only performing the religious afterwards. Although it could not have been otherwise, since there was a long queue at the church.

The scoundrel took advantage of this time to file the request for inheritance with the judge. Since his father had contracted a serious illness and was no longer in a position to run the business.  Never in my life had I met someone so unscrupulous as to play with other people's feelings. It was a real adder! His ambition had no limits and made no effort to achieve his most perverse goals. That woman was indeed a bad person and without any dignity. Unfortunately, I was blind enough to realize all this much later.

 She did not intend to be just a simple administrator, but the definitive owner of everything. And, of course, it was not part of his plans to keep me in the scheme, but his lover he really loved. Thus, presenting the document required for the process through its defenders took possession of the assets in question.

 No one, not even the parents, was opposed to the only daughter's decision to request her testamentary rights. In view of having complied with all the legal requirements made by them. But, did I need to proceed to the altar and after that make me look like a clown in front of the audience?

Because he didn't send soon with the so-called lover, if we were already married in a registry office. What if there was a guarantee that she would get her hands on the sucker parents' assets? And why didn't you marry the son of a bitch lover? It turns out that this type of man does not want to make such a commitment — so the idiot appeared to fall into the abyss! — Well, it was only after a few months of the shameful episode that I found Edu, that irritating friend again.

Yes, the same one who kept trying to alert me and I never paid any attention to him. And he was the one who revealed in detail everything she and the guy planned to do. I put my face in the bag and moved on surrounded by criticism and with my name stained. With a pair of horns on my head and such disappointment, what would I have to do? Running away from reality is impossible to do in these hours. It is best to face reason and move towards an uncertain future.

Years after I recovered from the worst shame that a man could endure, as usual stubborn I risked loving again. I met Lindalva, a nurse with two jobs and studying medicine at a private college. The best and most expensive in town. With a busy schedule, giving priority to friends and appointments, I was the least of all your worries.

Right after the first disappointment in love I struggled and bought a car of the year and a luxury apartment. Well, at least for me it was a huge luxury, because it had more space than the old one, where the compartments were similar to a matchbox, all very tight.

I started to frequent certain environments visited by interesting people. Where I got to know the second disappointment of my life. She was an admirable, eccentric and manipulative woman. He easily convinced me to open the doors to my house for her and all her crowd of friends. From there came the parties, drinking and the drugs I learned to use, accompanied by a lot of sex. Everything happened on weekends, ranging from indiscriminate consumption of alcohol and drugs to almost continuous sex.

Everything happened. Yes, the heaviest orgies ever seen. If I was angry to see my girlfriend giving it to another guy? How could I, when I was under the influence of marijuana, cocaine and even crack? It was such a sodomy. I don't even remember how many women I took to bed. But, in spite of this slutty and madness we got along well and we were happy — Were we really happy? — I think so, at least during the effects of the drugs. I soon considered getting married.

Me and this habit of thinking that all women want to go up to the altar with a white dress and a bouquet of flowers in their hands. I really needed to take a lot of horn to understand that in the twentieth century they were already modernizing. And they came to see these details as taboo and treated them with contempt.

And nowadays it is not even good to comment on what you think about the subject. Today's woman really likes is naughty men who treat them with indifference and disgust. I set the day for the wedding and the whole damn circle of false friends was present at the mother church to attend the meeting.

However, again I was a victim of the shamelessness of a bitch who just wanted to mock my goodwill. Lindalva's compulsive friends were mostly bikers. They rode old motorcycles, typical models from the sixties and seventies, made to order.

And on that sunny summer afternoon, we were both in front of the Catholic priest to bond with each other until death. When at the time of yes she ran out the door and threw herself into the arms of another.

Then he ran away with a biker, screaming and making a big fuss over the city streets.They laughed at my idiocy to believe that a woman like her would give me any value. Everyone knew of my history of being abandoned at the altar, and they were already waiting for this new outcome. Now it was that rascal who made fun of me.

 And it still made me look like an idiot in front of the guests. Under a lot of boos and jeers once again I had to leave with my head down. And with his face tucked between his legs like a male with no maturity, who seemed not to have learned his lesson, after the first shame. From then on I vowed never to fall in love again, I promised myself I would never love again.

I needed to accept the fact that I was not born to live perfect love. So, once again I had to swallow the affront dry. Ashamed to go home. After that I swore to myself never to be fooled again. However, a year and a half after the second disappointment I was on one of the many beaches in the region and I saw that goddess with a perfect body pass in front of me.

 It was something never before seen and seductive as I have rarely been able to appreciate. I was crazy to see that princess with beautiful curves and a thong separating the two fleshy buttocks that moved up and down as she walked. I realized that she was alone, I did not hesitate and went for the conquest.

It was easier than I imagined, a single charge was enough, I should have suspected so easily. Damn mania to be dominated by the lust that burns at the tip of the sex work tool. I was blinded more than once. Thereby, only for the moment, I am not concerned with future consequences.

In a short time we dated and became engaged. Or link would happen in more than Autumn, but I saw or third abandonment that would raise holidays that are incurable in my soul. Once again I stood like an imbecile before the priest, when he asked the traditional question: — And you, miss, accept Eduardo as your legitimate husband until death? — Sure, I accepted another one so I wouldn't be an idiot. But what the hell, how long will I live as a victim of contempt for insensitive women?

Probably always. I am one of those unlucky men in love. The guy who was born to be smoothed out, even though he was imported, was imported. More than hell of noise, is that the outside? — In a favela it is like this, it happens all in all — No money to support a legion of children who did it with a maranhense two hard hairs Seu Rosa lives gathering cans and all kinds of junk that he finds on the street.

 In the next car with the Velho car, you will be able to sell at your corner store. There are nine pests to kill hunger and the picker is responsible for that. He's the one out there, unhappy is giving on an aluminum puppets tile. Either Velho is kneading or metal with the intention of making money.

Fucked, he needs it. A poor woman is a tall black woman, fat and ugly to crash, more damaged than expected to work. You two turn as a poem and no one has so much need for it.  Here and there, each one tries to give his or her survival skills. I had a few reserved reserves that sustained me to need to wear his shirt. Besides, after so many horns lost or appetite.

At the last moment, I thought to eat. Nor soothes, in spite of the heat those bands are of chipping. Or cell phone that cost almost two thousand reais is there, useless, at the top of the table.

 It was money thrown away, he doesn't play because no one is interested in hooking me up. Without a girlfriend, without friends, it's just silence. My only friend told me the shores since the day I used grosser food or poor coitus. He wanted to let me know that he would be abandoned, not altar and imbecile, as here I would not want to go. He decided to expel that party at the sole weight that in fact wanted or meu bem. What harm, what need of friendship in this goddamn life? I wanted to know, done faith, I well that I really deserved to go through that shameful situation!

 Whoever decides to sign off on the danger, but must stumble and fall, not precipitate. This is exactly what happened. The guy was a faithful fellow. A gossip of the best, it is true, it was enough to know something interesting and came soon tell me.

He knew two events in the interior, at times it gave the impression that he felt when the iriam would happen before it arose. But he was a legal and sincere companion. He knew it all, it seemed to be a pact like a bad bug. But the foreigner was a very good person, who was able to extend to me and help what was needed. A man capable of giving others your last pennies. Good subject that, that God will reward you. I, on the other hand, I have no credits as a Breeder, nor with the eared ear that dwells on embarrassment. Fallo isso because neither seems to go with my face.

 I only have a few shores in your life here. In the new job that rumored you have to take the horn of the daughter of the former boss, I have never been promoted to a position better than what I already held. He remained in the drug of the same function for three years and my superiors seemed to notice me. Despite two little efforts I made to make this happen, nothing seemed to add, but I admit that or salary was very little. In interpersonal relationships it was no different, I really only had one friend, and I still threw it away.

There were many women I related, but none of them remained at my side. Or what was left here, to be alone between four walls, conversing with myself. As a non-country, the companies dismissed part of their officials to take the place of payment, as expected.

And there was nothing else, like many others who lost their jobs, I was forced to sell my car and the spacious apartment located in a privileged area. Everything was necessary to be able to pay the huge debts accumulated after the first marriage — damn insistence! — I do not understand why, but I must accept that I was not born for marriage, it was just a few persistent attempts to start a family, but it just gave me headaches!

I just wanted to be a father, have children and a wife who really loved me. Thinking about how to spend the weekend, spending time and having fun in the city or going to shopping or shopping, visiting your relatives and friends. It was just an illusion. I would be proud to be able to show anyone that it was possible that I was finally an accomplished man, but wanting it only splintered me completely.

 Edu, when he was still my best friend, was right to say that I was not born with the fate of having this privilege — Not everyone is born to get married and start a family! — He would say — And I think I'm one of those unfortunate ones. Interesting how God writes the story of each of his creatures. Some, to be completely happy and blessed, everything they touch turns to gold.

Others like me, with no luck, cursed, everything you do goes wrong. It seems that the clay used to create us was one of the worst, extracted from the celestial potteries where the clay was rotten. With a bad smell, fetid to his nostrils, we were created and that is why he condemned us to neglect and suffering.

 Similar to that Bible story. What is the name of the two twins? For example Jacob and Esau! The poor devil of the eldest was not even born, he was in his mother's womb, when the angel told him that at birth he would be the servant of the younger brother. The difference in age was only a few seconds at birth. But what a disgrace, have you ever thought of being uncommunicated before you were even born?

For the oldest son of Isaac and grandson of Abraham, who is considered in the Bible to be the Friend of God and the Father in the Faith, was rejected by the Creator and played aside. Without duty. I think that, like him, many of us are born condemned. Never to find true happiness. And who is responsible for this, are we ourselves or who gave us life? The author of our destinies, is he the reason for so many mistakes in our uncertain wanderings in this world or each one of us? I believe that we make the wrong choices.

And today, after breaking my face in failed relationships, I realize this sad reality. I only failed and reaped misfortunes because I made bad choices. I Learned in return for many disappointments that we reap exactly what we plant. In fact, all the evil that falls on mankind is the result of his own mistakes and not of the Creator. After bankruptcy for spending what I didn't have to try to get a wife, I had to come and live in the favela, the only place where I could buy a wooden shack so I wouldn't have to live in the open.

That of insistently wanting a woman by my side has chipped me all over! There were only a few bucks left in savings and that hole I call home. At least the terrain is wide, I can build something better later. But how, if I'm broken? — I don't know, who knows, I'm living like I do with this drug! — My head is tired, my body is sore. I am sitting here on that rough wooden floor, difficult to dance for hours on end, meditating on my thoughts.

Trying to understand how I was able to descend so low that I reached the bottom of that damn well. Crap fultery wine! It was bought in a tavern, the devil is tastier than lemon and burns in the stomach like cachaça of the worst kind! Do what, if I became a shaved foot, in no condition to buy a drink that I paid for? — My days of fat cows, when I could go to the supermarket and choose good brands! — I love Port wine, made from dried grapes.

Yes, it is the best. This drug here must have been made from the scribbles of the grapes harvested during the harvest. These seeds are left behind because they are not of good quality. And only afterwards are they extracted and transformed into low-consumption juices.

 A real crap produced for low-income customers. In other words: For the manure of society. But this is how, despite being garbage. It has its advantages at the bottom,we drink a couple of full glasses and the effect of alcohol is immediate, we start to see everything with different eyes. Even the bad taste is sweet.

The makers of this poison know that for people like us what really matters is drunkenness. So, wisely they put more alcohol than grape juice in the damn bottle. That way we get drunk at once and we start to find the drink delicious. I don't like to get drunk, I remember my whole past like in a movie.

The old girlfriends reappear to torment me, especially the fugitive brides who abandoned me maliciously at the altar. And the worst thing is that I already have a heavy head, groggy. And I see them right here in front of me, they laugh at my misfortune. They seem to hear me and remain there, standing, watching my suffering with mockery.

 They mock my loneliness and mock my weeping - Damn, I should have taken revenge on you all! — Can I just be crazy talking to the walls? It is the devil of the revolt. — I learned that women are a plague on any man's life. After all, since Eden, when the first one was formed, it has already put everything to lose.Adam was a good man, obedient to the Creator and did everything correctly. He was ordered to live in the garden and eat everything but the forbidden fruit. But we never conform to what we already have and want more. He went to complain to the owner of the garden that he was feeling very lonely and needed the damn companion.

He saw the animals in pairs, male and female, then asked a woman to be his company. Devils of loneliness that forces us to have someone to talk to and fill the void that insists on tormenting us. To share our good times and bad. There he was attended to, Eva appears on the stage and then the snake, with whom the madwoman makes great friends. She is tempted to eat the fruit and curiosity made her obey the devil's bad advice.

 And to complete it convinces the husband's asshole to eat too. There, the bastard for wanting to please his wife breaks the alliance made between him and the Creator. Condemning all future generations to be born, grow and die like everything in this world. The guy was a huge asshole. — What a crap! — If it weren't for that, we would be immortal and without sin and no guilt.

For example, I might not have been born with the unfortunate luck of being betrayed by the women to whom I gave my heart, because after all, they wouldn't even exist. I believe that the world would be better without the presence of these infidel pests. A planet inhabited only by males, without sex, without a passion business, family and everything that exists today. Revolt?

Yes, I am a tremendous revolt with the opposite sex, believe me. But don't even think about changing teams. I am proud to have been born a man, we are the crown of creation! Male chauvinist? Yes, totally. After what I went through it couldn't be different. But I preserve my taste for the opposite sex. I am not prejudiced, at least I think so. For I am quite tolerant of certain things. I even value a black woman and that proves that I am not racist! But, for Christ's sake, don't give me that overpass to my side. A while ago I had to put a guy who was a beast in his place.

 The bastard came to want to smooth me over, insinuating himself and inviting me to come to his house. I wanted to fuck me, now look. I may have been a cuckold, but gay never! I slapped the bastard and I bled his pointed nose, the crowd approved of my attitude. I showed that a man's face is respected — Damn, I already drank almost the whole bottle of bad wine! That thing from Seu Hilário's tavern! That's because he said he didn't do it

 Grumpy old man, I never saw a plague like that. He was so miserable that he lost his wife to the baker. True, everyone here on the street saw her pack her bags and cross the street to live with the cloth. And he remains there without showing any remorse or fear of reprisals on the part of the male he abandoned. It was not so bad even the children wanted to be with him, they preferred to go and live with his mother and stepfather.

 Ah, unhappy and flabby old man, in one of those even with no reason to complain, I would beat them up, and if I gave it soon it would be a bullet in the scoundrels. My wife exchanges me for another one and continues to live across the street, mocking my face? Don't even think about it, honey. But never!

The brides who made fun of me disappeared all over the world, I don't even know the whereabouts. Except, of course, the one that was full of money, because against those who have power, nobody can do anything. If I act vindictive, she would send me a concealer. I always planned to kill each of them and their partners when they saw them. I even bought a gun here in the lowlands, it is stolen, but I keep it well kept waiting to find the crooks.

But okay, maybe I'm really freaking out. What is this sinister talk about thinking about killing and why did I buy this drug from a gun? Am I going to become a murderer and further complicate this damn life that I have left? No, I am going to leave everything behind and proceed towards the unknown without knowing where I will stop. But what the hell is this, who's knocking on that damn door?

 — Go, go, you don't have to throw the door on the floor!

 — Good night, neighbor, sorry for the inconvenience, but we didn't see you leave that room anymore and we were worried, we thought if you didn't need something, you know? I don't know, maybe sick

 — I understand, Dona Bia, but please rest assured, because everything is fine. Do not worry

 — Oh okay then. I'm sorry for anything. But try to go out for a while, man, come to my house in the evening for tea or coffee. Chat!

 — Okay, anytime I show up there

 — Look, promise is debt, I'll wait for you! That's how it is here, eavesdropping neighbors is not lacking.

Mrs. Bia is a needy widow who lives next door, one of those insistent. You're dying to take me to bed. But it doesn't happen, you know? I'm not close to mature women, I prefer the young ones, and it was exactly that type of woman that threw me into the abyss. The man who falls in love is prone to emotional suffering.

 Especially if it is for the youngest. I am by no means the ideal person to criticize anyone who fell into that endless pit. After all, it was exactly what I tried to do several times. Even if through a certain protection of destiny, I have never been successful.

You know, there are evils that come for our good. Even if we don't understand the real reasons right now. When I was abandoned on the altar for repeated occasions, I only thought of a terrible conspiracy between heaven and hell against me. However, now I can better assess the situation and realize that there is a huge possibility that I was free from the biggest bore.

 After all, none of my future wife's candidates was worthy of such a thing. Although, even though I am aware of it, I still suffer from having lost them. There was a knock on the door, I can't believe the neighbor decided to make me hellish tonight. Again bothering me with that bullshit about being worried about my isolation in this disgusting cubicle?

— Get going! Oh people to bother!

— Hello, neighbor, good night

— Good night...

— I'm Gabriela, Dona's daughter Bia who lives right next door. I came here to bring you this meal

—Wow, my dear, I am very grateful.  Pass on to your mother my most sincere thanks

— Okay, I'll tell her.

My holy mother, what woman is that, knocking on the door at this hour? I used Santo Antônio matchmaker, did my eyes finally see and my heart confirmed the arrival of my enchanted muse? Here I am again beginning to dream of fairy tales, will I never learn, not even after so many mistakes and disappointments? I need another glass of that damned sour green grape wine, it's pure alcohol! I am already drunk, thinking something, confused of ideas.

Look at what results in lowering the level, I used to drink imported whiskey of the best quality, now this purple water with a false wine label. What would my mother think if she saw me like this at the worst, fuck like I am now? — My son, take action! — She would say.

 That damn loneliness I find myself in is messing with my head deeply. And due to the drunkenness that accompanies me daily, I am getting worse and worse. I walk like a rabid dog that just barks and doesn't bite or move. I am disgusted with everything and everyone, gritting my teeth for anyone who approaches. When we get beaten too much in life we ​​lose faith in other people.

  We see everyone around us as enemies. Soon me, a guy full of confidence in humanity. I have always been the type who believed that human beings were able to correct their mistakes and become better every day. But there were so many wounds that ignited disbelief inside me, now it takes me a long time to trust anyone.

The day passed and night came, then dawn, and I was unable to sleep — Damn sleeplessness!— I hear only the gigantic sound systems that roar to the sound of their musical repertoires, played by the most varied DJs.

These gigantic clusters of sound equipment pop the ears of those who hear them. It is a tremendous absurdity that the authorities release in exchange for high taxes. This seems to be the only Brazilian state to admit these aberrations, bothering whole families, with the damn parties on weekends and holidays. In fact, now they have invented the Monday Party, a plague of mess designed especially for the unemployed. It is fun for those who have no occupation in life and do not mind dawn lying in the ditch at the beginning of the week.

I've never seen anything like it before, these people are like that, totally addicted to parties, beers and a lot of mess. No other region is as fun-oriented as the one I live in, perhaps because they are direct descendants of the Indians. They are the direct heirs of the indigenous culture — Every Paraense is an Indian! — People from other regions say. Here, unlike other parts of the country, it rains every day.

Sometimes he got pissed off when he needed to leave for work or anywhere else and the rain came down suddenly. And when was it an important appointment? Then the thing went black! Well, but I was doing the wrong thing, after all, how many Northeasterners don't pray to the saints so that at least a few drops fall there.

It's that old chatter: some with full granaries and others with overturned pots. The whole world suffers from social inequalities. However, Brazil seems to be the champion in this respect. After all, here injustices and impunity allow for this to continue. The powerful get richer and richer, while the less favored get even poorer. I'm Brazilian, but I admit that I hate the laws of that disgusting country.

 We have the greatest number of decrees approved and almost none applied in defense of innocents. In this nation dominated by corruption, only the rich benefit from such laws.  Here, they can commit all sorts of crimes and remain unpunished. This is Brazil, the piece most contaminated by the neglect of human rights on the planet.

High hours and no sleep, just that insomnia drug preventing me from going out in bed for at least a few minutes to overcome tiredness and regain my strength. How long will I stay here brooding over the little luck I have and the misfortunes that surround me? — Who knows, you bastard! — I will remain facing the loneliness that sarcastically laugh at my agony. Maybe I should leave early.

 And try to take an idea with that hot lady who came knocking on my door last night. Who knows if with a little luck she would end up giving space for something more serious — How to make me fall into another precipice? —Yes, without a doubt this must be what I am looking for, again chipping me!

But what is it, I barely spoke to the girl for a few seconds and I'm already creating false perspectives about it? Just look at a tail in a skirt and lose my mind, will I soon believe it is possible to roll a bid between us? You know what, I don't need a new passion or friendships, I don't want to hear or talk to anyone, enough of disappointments. I will go my own way, away from anything that might hurt my heart again. From now on it will be like this, just me and loneliness, the two of us and this immense emptiness in this small room where perhaps she and me cowardly hide from the world.

 Always silent, silent, in complete emptiness. The place has as main detail the poverty in all its angles. The walls, made of rotten boards and painted in blue, are fragile and easy to invade. The roof made of loose wood and covered with clay tiles splash the water from the constant rains that fall here daily.

Instead of an air conditioner, as it had before in that luxurious apartment. I just have the cold wind of the nights that penetrate the breaches in the boards, bringing along a multitude of mosquitoes. All generated in the various ditches exposed outdoors in this community. We live without any basic sanitation on our streets.

The houses, all without the slightest infrastructure, pour their waste into the open water, the odor is almost unbearable. In my opinion, being poor is humanity's greatest evil. But not everyone thinks so, once I read the book of an evangelical pastor whose title said that it is a blessing to be poor.

If in his opinion, who must surely be a man of great financial means, material poverty is a virtue, then why not take everything you have and distribute it to the needy? Then come to live in the favela like I and many others were inevitably forced to do? Nothing, pure cheap demagogy, not even God is poor!

Due to the absence of material goods, we are despised. We suffer insults and are treated like the scum of humanity. Many religious leaders teach about the incarnation of Christ as a humble carpenter and his trajectory as a man of many pains and sufferings. Whose intention was to teach us the importance of never clinging to the riches of this world.

However, they do everything to accumulate rich treasures. It is easy to teach others that living like a wretch in this world accumulates treasures in heaven. It is difficult, then, to put into practice the same philosophy that he taught his followers. It is as I usually say to the religious who approach me in this conversation about having to convert. What you really want is more followers for your religions - race of butchers, usually eat the meat and drink the blood of faithful disciples, in their churches, with the cheap excuse that their tithes and offerings are for the "Work of the Lord"

When the real destination of these funds is to sustain their exquisite lives and full of perks! But their fault for doing well, like politicians, is the society itself that fuels this trickery. If everyone one day understands the real truth behind these heresies, they will stop throwing money away.

They will stop supporting these picks of faith — Bunch of miserable hypocrites! — Then they would be forced to go in search of their own sustenance in a fair way and the name of God will no longer be mocked. These bastards have turned God's free miracles into a trade and are doing well — scoundrels! — Here in the neighborhood it is full of temples of this and that so-and-so church, several propaganda cars pass by announcing the service. They call on the entire community to participate in their greedy meetings, aiming at the gifts collected from the assholes.